Ted's Jokes Archives - Page 2 of 12 - IBS Engineering Supplies & Innovative Solutions

Ted’s Jokes – Walking the dog

A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one lady, who […]

Ted’s Jokes – Mother knows best

One day, young Sarah was watching her mother make a roast sirloin of beef. She cut off the ends, wrapped it in string, seasoned it and set it in the roasting dish. Sarah politely asked her mum why she cut off the ends of the roast. Mum replied, after some thought, that it was the […]

Ted’s Jokes – Balance in all things

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, “Where have you been?” God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?” “It’s a planet,” replied God, “ and […]

Ted’s Joke – Don’t mess with Aussie girls

Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. […]

Ted’s Joke – How not to abstain

A young couple wanted to join the church. The priest told them, “We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.” The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the priest ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the […]

Ted’s Joke – Crushed Scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.  Suzie stood and walked to the podium.. She said, “I have a praise.  Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know […]

Ted’s Joke – That damn cat

A man who absolutely hated his wife’s cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and […]

Ted’s Joke – Cure for Worms

As part of their ministry, the church decided to run a daily soup kitchen. Not surprisingly, the free food was very popular with the homeless people in the area. However this gift did come with a small catch – first you had to listen to a sermon. Every day the rows of pews would be […]

Ted’s Joke – Going to Iraq

A soldier ran up to a nun, out of breath, he asked, “Please may I hide under your skirt? I’ll explain later”. The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked, “Sister have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the MPs ran off, the soldier […]

Ted’s Jokes – The online repository of funny!

One of the most popular features of our Newsletters has been the Ted’s Jokes section.  So we’ve delved deep into our archives and dug up a treasure trove of Ted’s Jokes dating all the way back to 2003, nearly a full decades worth of jokes.  And now, after a lot of copying and pasting, those […]

Show
Hide